Небольшая коллекция Irish Jokes

Для @evochka от моих знакомых гурджиевцев :)

"THE MISSING ROOSTER

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten
hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one
Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that
cock fights happened in the village so he started to
question his parishioners in church the next morning. During
mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I
meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody
seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women
stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has
anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two
priests and a goat stood up."

---

Paddy walked into his favorite pub, where he was accosted
by his usual nemesis, Murphy. Murphy delighted in calling
everyone's attention to Paddy's baldness, a constant torment
to Paddy.

Stepping up to Paddy, Murphy began running his palms over
Paddy's head, exclaiming "Why, it's so smooth and soft, it
feels just like my wife's behind!"

Pausing a moment, Paddy his own hands over his head ...
"Why, so it does!"

----

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,
looking like he'd just been run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean,
"He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."